


See me

by StormXPadme



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anal Sex, Bisexual Male Character, Casual Sex, First Age, I have no idea what I'm doing, M/M, Nargothrond, Oral Sex, Valinor, but they have issues, non lace compliant, so i guess they're mine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:34:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24520039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormXPadme/pseuds/StormXPadme
Summary: Finrod never really saw Curufin. But he knows him.
Relationships: Curufin | Curufinwë/Finrod Felagund | Findaráto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	See me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hail_Gothmog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hail_Gothmog/gifts).



> Created out of a tumblr meme of dialogue writing prompts by Hail_Gothmog; prompt: "You don’t see me.”

_You don’t see me_ , Curufin says as they are getting ready to leave the only home they’ve ever known. “You see your own fear.”

It’s been decades since they’ve last spoken, long before the coldness of the Silmarils themselves have entered those hardened bright eyes, long before whatever forbidden feelings they once shared made room for the more traditional wish for a family of their own.

Curufin has got his; his son will be coming with him, while Finrod’s betrothed is staying behind. If and when he’ll see her again, only the Valar might know that they’re about to turn away from.

Finrod sees his own uncertainty mirrored in the fearful grimace Curufin’s son clings to him with and wonders what his own legacy will be. _  
_

_You don’t see me_ , Curufin tells him when he arrives at his doorstep with his brother. “You see my father.”

And how can Finrod not? The oath left them with faces hollowed and hair streaked with silver in the pale shine of the moon as they seek shelter from all and everything they’ve wronged or angered on their mad quest.  
Fëanor has fallen to this fruitless endeavor, long far from any justice or righteousness, and Curufin has never looked more like him.

Finrod has lost too many since they set foot on these realms to send them away.

_You don’t see me_ , Curufin blames him when they fall back into each other, in the hidden tunnels and protective shadows of Finrod’s palace, as if not a day has passed since they left their old lives behind. “You see memory. You see _home_.”

“This is our home now,” Finrod objects, and then he takes him to bed and loves him best as he can, restless fingertips mapping out every scar the cursed venture has left, greedy tongue licking the salt of his skin until it’s heat, not grief any longer. He seeks Curufin’s glance as he swallows him down but has to turn away. It’s like staring into one of the labyrinth-like caves of his fortress, leading nowhere but into the abyss.

Curufin wants him, and he relents though he never bottoms for anyone, because his lover needs it, he desperately needs _some_ control in his life back and there’s nothing else left Finrod has to give to him.

He wonders, as their moans and the quick erratic slap of skin echo against the massive rock, why they are still hiding. They’re long worse doomed than by intimate relations between closer kin than it is common.

_You don’t see me_ , Curufin yells when he tells him he’s leaving, that he’s made an oath to Beren, and Curufin of all people should know that an oath needs to be kept. “You’ve always only seen pain. And now you’re running from it.”

“I’m not running. I’m just not hiding any longer.”

Though it would probably be better if he did. They’re going almost alone, and that is Curufin’s doing too, but Finrod can’t bring himself to resent him. They’re both bound by their promises, and by none they ever gave to each other. This was never meant to last.

”I don’t expect you to come. Just stay out of my way.”

Curufin watches him as he packs. He looks old, worn, not particularly like he wants to let the discussion die down, he just lacks the strength to come out of that one on top.  
”I won’t see you again.”

Finrod nods briefly. Even if they come back, and chances are good, they won’t, he doesn’t expect his people to have patience with the brothers for much longer. They’ve overstayed their welcome as it is.

It should hurt, but truth is, they’ve long said good-bye to the life they once could have had before the first of that ships was burning.

”If the Valar are graceful. I would not face you as my enemy. This is not how I will remember you.”

“What do you remember, _él_?” It sounds mildly curious, not like all those times Curufin already made up his mind about their relationship without even asking him once.

“Freedom.” His sword sheathed, the last of his warrior braids tied, Finrod walks to the door with his head lowered. This one time, he can’t look at his lover. He’s not sure what he would see this time, but he’s sure his heart can’t take it. “Maybe one day we’ll find it back. Farewell, son of Fëanor.”

“Don’t you want to know how I see you?” It sounds soft, hurt almost, if they hadn’t both been long past offense.

“It doesn’t matter.” This much honesty, he owes him. “I can’t be your savior. Not anymore.“

“I never asked you to,” Curufin’s voice is heavier, rougher than Finrod has heard it in years. “Only just once, I wanted you to look at me for what I am, not for what I do, or say, or become, not for what I’ve lost or who I love. Why do I not _exist_ to you, Finrod?”

“Because then I would have to kill you.” Finrod pulls the door close behind him gently without looking back.


End file.
